I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 14, and anxiety soon followed. At the age of 13, I started self-harming by cutting my wrists and my thighs, and sometimes my stomach. Through grade 8 to grade 12 I had seen several counsellors from schools and outside of school I had gone to see therapists and psychologists. I was put on Prozac when I was 16, and went off of it cold turkey because it was not making me feel like the person I knew I was.
When I was 15 my parents divorced, for good this time. And it was for good because my father abused me, and then tried to kill himself. And then proceeded to try and take everything away from my Mom and I. I had to change schools, make new friends (which didn’t really happen), and learn new material. I started to miss a lot of school, started drinking heavily, and I started to get into toxic relationships. In my grade 12 year, I almost dropped out because my depression kept getting worse and worse. Through counselling, support from my family, and my teachers routing for me I finally made it to graduation and walking across the stage.
I was with my first girlfriend during that time, we were together for over two years and we were engaged. She helped me come out to my family and friends. But she was only charming for a short while, our relationship turned toxic after the sixth month mark. She started accusing me of different things out of nowhere, she used me for money, and (as silly as it sounds) she never asked me how my day was. And then, one day in 2015, she hit me while I was having a mental breakdown in her car. She left me a few months later, she dumped me off at my mom’s place with two cats and our dog. I let her keep basically everything so she could afford to live. We had a life planned, we had matching tattoos. And, one day, she decided she wasn’t happy anymore. That really tore me down, I felt like she threw me into the darkest depths of Hell.
Now, I can happily say, she is old news. I’m 20 years old now, almost 21. I am the happiest I have ever been. I am in University, getting my Arts Degree and majoring in Psychology and Sociology. I am planning on continuing my education to become a Social Worker. And I have renewed my artistic abilities and am thinking about becoming a tattoo artist. I no longer drink, really. I am on the proper medication and I feel out of the clouds and more myself. I have an amazing family and still have my playful puppy. And, the most amazing improvement is the wonderful human being that I get to spend my life with. My partner and I are engaged, living together, and excited for our future.
My relationship with my father still isn’t what I wish it were but I have reconnected with that side of my family. So far, so good. I’m learning that it is okay not to have control over every little thing (still have a lot to learn though, not going to lie). I’m learning I don’t need to be perfect and that “No” is a valid response to things I don’t want to do. My anxiety still keeps me from doing some things and still keeps me awake at night… but I refuse to let it ruin my life, any more.