Photo credit: Bradley Parker
I have anger issues, negative self-perceptions, and body image issues.
These days seem not to be as hard, as I have found different ways to deal with my anger and negative self-perceptions. However, that doesn’t mean they have gone away. They are still there, I have just learned how to identify my feelings before it is too late, before I explode or feel terrible.
I don’t believe I was always angry. But things occurred in my life that resulted in me suppressing emotions, denying feelings, and eventually exploding when it became too much. When I went to a therapist, they advised me that my anger issues, particularly towards men, were created by childhood situations and issues (which seems too typical). Although I was critical and ignored the helpfulness of therapy, I entered into a part of my life that forced me to look at myself.
I was a single mother and I felt helpless, hopeless, and angry. As a child, I realized, I was always around very angry men and abused or cowering/crying women. Although, it seems, I became a part of the perpetuating anger of the males of my family, I also am extremely sensitive to others anger. Situations, that will cause me to become stressed or feel threaten, I uncontrollably cry and I have never known why.
Almost 4 years ago, I removed myself from a difficult situation. My daughter’s father was abusive but I didn’t want to leave. I grew up in what I called a “Broken Family” and I thought it was the worse thing ever. I was very wrong. Having a broken family was not the worse thing, putting myself and my child into an unsafe environment was. After some time, I finally gained the will to remove myself and my child from that situation.
It is hard, I know, but there is a point where you need to realize that this life you are living isn’t yours and that person that you had the child with, or two or three, isn’t worth the tears and doesn’t love you. The relationship that you are in is a mental addiction. I was addicted to being needed and the idea that I could fix him and then I would be happy and everything would be perfect. As a result, when things aren’t perfect and don’t go my way, I have an overwhelming amount of anger.
I met an amazing man who means the world to me, it wasn’t until #MyDefinition that I realized that I had mental health issues. #MyDefinition and Lee Thomas have been so influential in my transformation from an angry person, always criticizing and thinking I am not good enough, to becoming someone I am happy to see in the morning, someone I would hope my daughter could grow up to want to be like.
Not only do I struggle with anger, but I also struggle with my body image and who I am. After my daughter, I was overweight and helpless, feeling like nothing would help. I found a lifestyle that allows me to balance and achieve my body goals, though I still struggle. Balance, I found, is key to progress in life.
Life can be hard, don’t make it harder by denying yourself what you really need and who you really are. Take a deep breath and remember, you are worthy of everything you desire, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy. Work hard, love yourself, stay healthy and positive, and you will achieve everything, and I hope my story will help.